I’ve read more than once the saying “you are either moving forward or moving backward, there is no standing still”. I’m not sure I believe that 100% because I definitely have had periods where it just seems like everything is standing still.
I’ve kind of felt like I’ve been in that place now for a couple of years. Everything is fine but so much could be so much better. I made a to-do list last fall when my family was coming to visit. I have a weird obsession with legal pads (that’s a whole other blog post) and when I finished writing everything that I would have loved to have finished by their visit the list was SEVEN pages long.
Seven legal pad pages.
I suppose some would say that would be an example of things moving backward but for me it was the proof that things had come to a standstill. Unplanted flower beds, bags of old items ready to be donated but sitting by the back door, a coffee maker that needed descaling, etc etc.
This past weekend was my 50th birthday and while some dudes trade in their spouses or get a sports car (or both) I spent the weekend contemplating that list that is STILL seven pages long.
I contemplated it here so it wasn’t too shabby (I’ve never seen a full moon with those rays around it before):
Anywho, tapping into the incredible mind-cleansing power of nature, the answer did start to become just a little bit clearer and clearer. I haven’t trusted myself to do it well or correctly.
I am a bit of a perfectionist and if you aren’t then it’s hard to imagine how paralyzing it can be. In fact hoarders are often perfectionist which seems counterintuitive but if you think about it a perfectionist wants it done correctly, and if there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that that is possible then they just can’t even start.
But then it came to me very clearly this morning: I do trust my abilities to improve my circumstances – there is so much evidence in my life that I CAN do this!! I do have the power to make some progress on that to-do list. I have been blessed with the ability to see beauty where it isn’t obvious, to have the stamina to persevere when others can’t muster the strength, and to know that life is supposed to be good (no matter what the evidence seems to indicate).
Why I began to doubt that a couple of years ago is a looooong story that I’m sure I’ll touch on as time goes on, but suffice it to say that I know myself, I know what I’ve survived and overcome in my lifetime, and I trust my abilities to improve my circumstances!